We’re Back! (No, Really!)

“Latest Post: 03/04/2019″…

… Well, it seems I’ve been that guy for the past… 3-ish years. Even more if anyone remembers how sparse the original website was. Every post being a sad, tired update about how sorry I am for not being more regular, and how this time, hopefully things will be different. And much to everyone’s – including my own – dismay, things would go quiet here yet again.

But today, finally, is different.

To begin, I guess I can talk about where my life had gone since last I shared. Honestly, with the… well-known abject horror that was this year, 2020, most of everything from then is a bit of a blur. You know, with the abject stress, angst, and what a perfect environment being trapped in my home (even as a natural-shut-in, the hermit-crab man, this was too much for my own good!) made for all my normally easily-fought demons to suddenly grow big, strong and overpowering. College classes became an abject mess of scheduling, running around in a campus full of people that didn’t wear a mask, to having to figure which days I’d need to haul my tired, sleep-deprived self to class or could sleep in and take my courses online. And nothing to say of self-regulating the process of getting things done, hoo boy. I mastered the art of grinding for days in games (a surprisingly cathartic exercise in just letting my mind wander on its own, actually), and learned how utterly cute I look with a mask on. Seriously, something about it just fits my look so well…!

The year before is honestly a blur as well, there’s very little I remember – save, of course, visiting my beloved boyfriend in Australia! I sadly can’t share many of the mushy times we had together, but it truly was a wonderful experience, travelling to the other side of the planet and experiencing a whole different hemisphere. Things may have been swelteringly hot (some days being so hot that it was considered a huge health risk to just go outside), and the continent might have been… immolating, but it still was a beautiful place to see and behold. Parks, architecture, and a trip to Melbourne and Sydney – the experience was truly eye-opening for me. I’ve learned that it’s a very good practice to see the world from as many places as one can – you learn very quickly just how beautiful and varied the world can be (as well as the people there!) The world is both so huge and small at the same time… it’s amazing! (And expensive…)

I also visited a pair of very dear friends – as well as (partial) mentors of mine, Talen and Fox Lee! If you’ve never heard of the pair, they work on making and studying fun games as Invincible Ink. Many of their games are truly unique, and they’re generally quite amazing people – I’d heartily recommend checking out some of their stuff! My partner and I played a few of their games, one of which spoke out to me on a… very spiritual level. It was amazing to see so many people I truly felt myself around, even if it was a bit awkward as… being openly me isn’t something I tend to do around others. We even hugged…! It’s a surprisingly rare thing, to me to fully open up like that, but… well, we’ll get to that.

Following back with 2019, I also practiced going outside more (which was quickly dashed thanks to this whole pandemic falafel going on), discovered new hobbies, tried raising Bonsai from seeds (now of which only one is surviving, and not looking that good…), and generally did a lot of self-discovery. Being shut in my house for most of the following year also helped with that, but in a far more uncomfortable and angsty way than what I would have preferred… but alas. I guess all one can do is take these things as they come, yeah?

Suffice to say, all those experienced have peaked in what I’m doing (back) here today, at long last. I’ve learned what drives me, where I want to go in life, and have some long-term goals in mind (like fully moving to the other side of the planet to live with my partner! šŸ’™) – such as what hobbies of mine to focus on and refine. I’ve learned that I’m an absolutely massive lore nerd, which clearly stems from my passion and enthusiasm over things I enjoy, as well as where I want to take my projects and creations: not just brandishing my own worldbuilding/lore writing, but the details of other series I enjoy, such as Monster Hunter. I have aspirations to maybe even bang together some crude animations and videos of me talking about such things, but I still have to learn to master the tools to do such (most college courses not teaching CSP in any degree, sadly). I’ve learned that I don’t handle what a more… professional style of writing/illustration would command all that well, certain lessons in my college courses resulting in a lot of stress and anxiety I’d wish to avoid. While I’m certain it’s going to be one very, very difficult road, I hope to self-employ as best as I can and make what I like to make – and bring smiles to as many people as I can that way!

Yes, it may be a… very unintelligent choice to make in my long-term, as such assuredly doesn’t provide much financial security. But I think it’s what would make me happiest to pursue in life, and so it’s the dream I choose to chase. If it can work for other people I enjoy and support, it’s certainly possible for me. But of course, such a thing isn’t completely set in stone, either – you can never really predict where life will take you! But it’s the path I’m currently aspiring to take, learning how to produce things well and put them out there where people can see (and yes, rely on finicky, unstable online platforms for a source of income).

All I can really say in that regard is “we’ll see what happens”, and “I hope all goes well”! Oh! And of course, “Thank you”!

As such, I’ve begun to change the site here and there – you’ll notice the “About” page has been revamped, and how the writing page has been integrated into the gallery fully now. It’s currently empty, as I’m working on a good way to integrate writing into the portfolio system, as well as working on a 100% complete revision on The Cobalt Chronicles series, as I’ve done quite a bit of revisions thanks to two very special friends who have inspired me to give that whole thing a once-over and diversify the cast a bit more. So you’ll have to sit tight for a bit as I polish those to a shine over the other holiday break days! (And remember to take healthy rests in between there, too.)

You’ll also notice I’ve set up a “Donations Box“, where you can chip in with Paypal if you like what you’re seeing here thus far. It’s not an… optimal setup, WordPress saying I should use a system called “Stripe“, but… I don’t trust it quite yet. (If it’s worth using, let me know!) There’s also ways I can have “Premium Content” on here, like a Patreon, but I’m not sure if I should just… open a Patreon instead. I’m very new and anxious to this whole process, so if anyone (trustworthy) has any advice on choices to be made, please give me your lectures + advice, okay? I really could use (and would appreciate) all the help I can get here to ensure the first steps to this whole process go over well…! Or even just let me know which avenues would make more sense for people like you – and what you’d like to see there! I can’t promise a ton of stuff right now, but I hope to get the knack of this stuff well enough to put it out on a regular basis – likewise with posts here! I’m probably being awkward as heck about all this right now, but seriously – any input/advice is appreciated dearly, as are any donations into the current box. šŸ’™

(Oh goodness me what am I doing I have no idea or experience only aspirations this is so awkward and scary I’m making such a mistake here but it’s what I feel happiest and most confident about aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuggghhhhhh…)

In other news, I do have quite a stockpile of stuff I have yet to upload here that I’ve done over the college days, but you’re going to have to wait one more semester! There’s a course I’m taking in the spring that’s going to involve polishing/revising a bunch of them, and I’d like to get these out when they’re all more-or-less 100% complete. I do have notes on the dates I actually have made them, so at least there’ll be some actual consistency in the dates this time. You can also see stuff on my professional-mode-twitter in the meantime, seeing in-progress stuff and concept sketches – as well as other little bits here and there. You can even see some in that header banner I made – as well as some hints towards some “brand revision”

Certain projects have also been shelved – as one might notice a few pieces and posts missing. Just moving some old junk I plan on refurbishing that looked too ugly to really see the stage it was currently in – as well as rethinking how I want to showcase other projects of mine here.

So yeah! That’s where I’ve been and where I plan to go, really. I’m very anxious about these ideas of mine being the optimal choice for me, or even smart ideas to begin with – but it’s currently what I think would be best for me to pursue while I’m still young and can afford to take such risks in my future paths. And also, I’m a little bit excited – I really think I can do this. I have friends to help me, and kind, trustworthy people who believe and me! And I’m learning how to put myself out there and be more outgoing – for my health and aspirations for the future.

That’s all for now – but don’t you worry, I won’t be vanishing this time. I have ideas what to put here now, and a set goal in mind. Plus, some very wise and kind people have told me exactly the right mindset I should have when sharing things here. So get excited! And thank you for the support so far! šŸ’™

Making Things Is Very Hard

Hoorgh. Alright, h-here we go.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been here in a very, very long while. At this point almost every post I make here is heralded with that remark, and by now I’m sure what rare few even remember this place exists or stumbled into it from the countless links I’ve scattered about in eons past know that any remarks I make about how I’m doing my best to return here on a regular basis is about it’s worth in… well, something that isn’t worth much at all. Sand? Tardigrades? Bitcoin? Something. Something not good in the slightest.

Continue reading “Making Things Is Very Hard”

MechaPress Update, & Life Things

Hey, everyone! It’sĀ me! No, I’ve actually been tinkering with this website for the lesser of the last few months, getting the little things in check as best as I can. You may notice on either end of your peripheral vision theĀ amazing backgroundĀ I finally got around to doing. I’m even thinking of adding and changing it for the holidays and other special occasions, like dolloping snow or having characters frolicking in that darker space back there. Who knows? But I’m finally happy with what I came up with for that, and I’m surprised it works well on the eyes. (In comparison to my last website, which while even worse than before, had a very dark and illegible theme. Piano Black is no more, and that black mess I found off Google Image Search is lost forever.)

I’ve also closed down the commissions line for the time being, with life and general plans sort of muting that out for the time being. I still take donations, of course, but now I’m pretty okay with not getting any income for the time being as I pave the way for potentially new (and lucrative (in a millennial sense, so I don’t starve +afford college)) and exiting means of getting you to buy my work, and diversifying the work I do! I’m ironing out mediums for collecting my writing into a concise place, which will be under the Extras page when that happens, which is next on the list. Cobalt fics, the old USFE archives, and the rest (if there is any) will be found in a Google-Doc based collection there, since there’s really no other good medium I’ve found to store that kind of writing. I do wish it wasn’t soĀ white and hard on the eyes there, but I really can’t settle on anything else that’sĀ freeĀ orĀ has a goodĀ reputation. (Fanfiction.net is apparently still a thing, and no, I’m not going that low. Even I hold my writing to some standards.)

In more Bloggy news, I want to write here more. So I added yet another tab for just nonsense I feel like posting now and again, because I should devote more resources to maintaining and filling this place, to help maybe spread my brand around places that… well, aren’t Twitter. So video game jokes and other silly things will be posted here more, or just random thoughts. We’ll see how it goes. But maybe this can help with mental stuff, and make me less chatty to everyone and clog their feeds online. Hopefully. More Index goodies are coming too, with more headers for the website to randomize instead of just that one. I know you all are getting sick of it, too. The plan is to one day have hundreds of those headers, but it’s a while away. We’ll see about that, too. (Hundreds seems a bit lofty…)

And in the realm of real life, I’m looking to move outĀ now for some cheap studio apartment near Community College campus, just to get some space and learn better life skills for the road ahead up in Maine. (It’s turning out to be pretty damn expensive to go up to Maine, and attend that place, but… I’m hellbent, for better or for worse. I have supportive friends and systems to still learn about, so maybe I can still get there without being dirt broke on the other end. Hopefully.) A good place within my price range is tricky to find at the moment, but I’m looking. This is a big change, and I hope it’ll fix things at leastĀ enoughĀ for me to start progressing towards full re-invention and redemption. I’m worried, but also hopeful. And I’m glad I have the friends I do to support me in this mess. So maybe you’ll even get a house tour on here someday! … A tour of a studio apartment. That really would be only one and half rooms. Plus a bathroom. My dream locale is compact, y’know? And affordable.

So, yeah, looking up! And please hold me to my promises of more Contentā„¢, and feel free to utterly smite me if I fall behind again. I need another, more constructive hobby. So here’s hoping.

Thank you!

Making Things Is Hard

Hello again, everyone. It’s been a while.

As I write this, I’ve eaten yet another huge roll of Oreos, and am quietly remarking on the fact that this is my… 15th? 16th? Attempt at getting this out on paper. I’ve honestly displayed some very evident signs of stress and agony over this during the past few days, suffering from an entire depressive episode and two panic attacks. I’ve rattled what I can of my dysfunctional mind to figure out what to make, channeling what advice I haven’t already forgotten as a means of hopefully creating something nice.

Hit the jump for the full read.